A blog, a mirror

Welp, welp. Here we go. When I started blogging, I thought to myself: oooooh, how fun! all I need to do is just write something about something, post a couple pictures of babies,  the house, the cat, the dog (that, in my case, would be a figure of speech, since I don't own either a cat or a dog). I thought: this is  a PIECE - OF - CAKE... Little did I know that, every time I would sit in front of this screen and place my hands in the keyboard, a hoard of fearful thoughts would hit my mind over and over and over. Fear like waves. Hitting the shore of my mind. Eroding my freedom.

For most part of my life, I've been a pretty content little soul. I'd try my hardest to do great at school, at music classes, ballet, art. In my mind, I lived under the thought: as long as I do good, I will be loved. As long as I please others, I won't be rejected. As long as I don't make waves, everything will be fine. If you loved strawberries, I loved strawberries. If you loved dressing in 25 different colors, I "loved" it. If you loved pizza with pineapple, I .. nah, I won't take it that far... What I'm trying to say here is that, the fear of rejection and failure grabbed my personality like a cardboard figure and threw my authentic self out of the window. Merciless.

But there comes a point in life when your Creator, the Lover of your soul, comes at your door, throws little rocks on your window, leaves sticky notes in your mirrors. He knows who you really are. He knows your hidden dreams and deepest desires. He knows because He put them there. He's like the most persistent salesman in the world. If you don't open the door, He won't just leave. From outside the door, He can hear your soul crying out to be free. How could He just leave? He walks around your house and starts singing songs. Songs that remind you of who you are. Songs about unconditional love, beauty and uniqueness. He sings until the hardness starts melting away. His love walks through walls. When your soul hears those footsteps, it immediately lightens up. Your heart starts beating fast because you KNOW... the day is coming. That beautiful soul, that cardboard figure lying out the window, will finally come alive. It will finally soar up in the sky, where it belongs. No more 24 hour workdays to earn a bit of human love. It's like trying to buy crumbs when you live in the most beautiful bakery in town. The funny thing is that, when you finally are who you really are, people are going to love it. Because they will see REAL in your eyes.

This is where I'm at these days. Living in expectation, hearing the footsteps, feeling my heartbeat rise. It has been a journey (well, it's been more like a hiking experience). But it's coming. Nothing can stop what's meant to happen. I await, all curled up. One of these days, I know that I know that I know, Love will walk through my walls.

XOXOXO

Parenting + milestones

Today Abi started "officially" crawling (she's been "worming" her way around lately, which was extremely cute to watch!!). I can't believe my baby girl is already 7 months old... I can't believe I have a baby girl. I've dreamed of her for years. I longed for her. I loved her even before she existed. And now she's here, and she's the most loving little baby I've ever seen. Sometimes I just sit and stare at my babies. I can't believe how blessed I am. 

Parenting is one of the most challenging things I've experienced. But the love force that comes with becoming a parent is overwhelming. Yes, sometimes I feel like the "Riddler", covered in question marks. clueless, not knowing what in the world I am doing. But I always remember the sweet words of a friend, after I pretty much puked all my questions on her: 

"The Lord trusted you with their lives. He put Josiah and Abi in your family for a reason. He knew what kind of parents they would need."

These words brought such a relief in my heart. I still wonder, I still have tons of questions, I'm still trying to figure out my "parenting method". But deep down in my heart, I choose to believe that, if I cling onto Him, I can do this. I can be a great parent. I can be what they need. I can make them happy. But I can only do all these things in and through Him, who strengthens me. Only His wisdom can guide me. Only His love can carry me through. Only His grace can forgive my mistakes and protect  their little hearts. I'm so thankful for them tonight. Writing this post made me miss them a lot. They're now in bed, so I guess I'll have to save all the hugs and kisses that I want to give them for tomorrow. =)

xoxoxo

Missing my family

As many of you may know, I was born in a little province up north in Argentina. Andrew and I decided to move to the States 3 years ago, right before Josiah was born. We felt like it was time for us to come here after having lived down there for a year and a half. So we came. There was peace in our hearts because we knew there was a plan for us here. There still is. To be quite honest, I thought it would get easier to be away from home with time. It has been 3 years now, and I miss my family, friends and city as much as I did the first day we got here. Specially on days like today. Today is mother's day in Argentina. When I realized that, I automatically started thinking what I would be doing if I was there right now, how would my day go?

- Mom and I would have a big breakfast, maybe with some cake or special pastries to start celebrating early in the morning.

- The phone would start ringing (it rings all day long on mother's day). My sister and brother that live away would call bright and early. Friends and family would call throughout the day as well. Time to reconnect with everyone.

- My brother would come over with roses and presents. He never fails to bring flowers to my mom. I love that.

- Mom and I would read cards and open presents. =D

- We would just hang out at the house, start planning for lunch, call all our mom friends and family. Or maybe, in a spur of the moment, my brother would come with his car ready to take us all to a camping site where he would grill some awesome meat for all of us to eat by the river.

- In the afternoon, we would be stopping by my auntie and uncle's house. Hang out with the cousins, start thinking of dinner.

- My aunt would make homemade pasta. She is the best at that. We ALL love to go to her house because she's always cooking in bulk! =)

- My uncle would play his acordeon while we're all just sitting and chatting about how we would save the world... we have the best ideas to save the world... =)

- We would come back home after midnight, play some cards and go to bed.

I miss my family so much. I miss them even more on Sundays. I miss them a lot today. However, something that I've learned is that my home is not a physical place. It's not an address or an X on the map. Home is where He is. And I know He's right here with us. So every time I feel gloomy or missing them to tears, all I have to do is look in His eyes. He's my home. Andrew is my home. My babies are my home. It certainly hurts to be away. But I can't wait to see what He has prepared for us.

xoxoxo

Living from the heart, by Andrew (the hubs and guest post :)

Live from your heart. It's a phrase we've probably all used; it's quite the romantic notion, but what does it mean? 

I could say, "In my heart, I don't feel like being decent to so and so, and after all, I don't want to be hypocritical."

I can also go a little deeper into my heart and say, "I want so desperately to love my neighbor that I am going to search out a way to see good in so and so. I am going to seek a new perspective so I can love this person." 

In both cases, you can make the argument you are "living from the heart," so which would you like to choose? 

Matters of the heart can be overwhelming at times. Sometimes it seems the first choice is your only choice, no matter how much you wish you wanted the second. I have come to believe that the heart is one of the most mysterious and powerful forces in this life. It can take you out of the game or cause you to soar to new heights. Something so important deserves our attention.

What is in your heart? If you think you know, try digging a little deeper; you'll be amazed at all you find.

- Andrew

I'm back! =D

Hey friends!

After almost 2 months of being missing in action, I’m finally back. For a moment, it felt like I wouldn’t be. I was ready to just give it up and not look back. You see, there are seasons in life in which you need to simply put a halt on everything and rethink… reconsider… reestablish priorities… rest… and restart…

source

I’ve been through that season recently. A series of circumstances (health, family, emotions, etc) brought me to the point of needing time to stop doing, stop running, stop filling my time with activities and dreaming of adding even more to my schedule…. It was time to stop and think… to look at the condition of my heart… to bring my burdens to the feet of Christ and enter into rest… I was able to question my motivations, reestablish my priorities, rest in my identity and let the Lord renew my strength.

It is time to go deeper.

I can’t even explain how much this time meant to me. I had no idea how much “stuff” was lingering in my heart until I allowed the Lord to have my time and to do what He wanted with it.

Lesson learned: Always give room to the Lord. Make time for Him, even if it’s plain ol’ silence.

I never knew fear had such a hold on me. I never knew how hard I was trying to have a “happy” family. I never knew how much control I was trying to have over my circumstances and emotions. I never knew how tall the walls around my heart were.

You never know until you know… But once you know, it’s time to let go.

Once I was stripped from all the things I was clinging onto and depending on for my joy, I found out that I just can’t hold on to any earthly thing. I realized my identity is not in anything this world can offer. It’s not in a blog. It’s not in my looks or my success. I can’t find my identity in my abilities or in my “labels” (wife, mom, homemaker, etc).

But when I look up and take my time to look in His eyes, I realize who I am. I am His daughter. I am loved extravagantly and fiercely. I don’t have to try so hard, because I’m not loved for what I do, but merely for who I am. All the things I do, I do them because I get to, not because I have to. I don’t have to be strong, I don’t have to have it all figured out, I don’t have to be the perfect wife, mom and friend. That will never happen. I’ve been invited to walk this journey just holding on to His hand. And I really do want to live like that. Realizing that there’s no better place to be than by His side. As I recently heard, “ the valley of the shadow of death and the middle of a raging storm are the safest places to be when Jesus is there with you, holding your hand, walking by your side”.

I’m just learning this… Just getting started… But I’m so thrilled to see what is ahead. I can finally rest and enjoy with real joy in my heart.

Thank you so much for your love during this season, and I can’t wait to “hang out” with y’all, my bloggie friends!!!!!!

Let’s do this! =)

xoxoxo

Pame

The Father's heart

I was going to share about my thrift shopping goodies, but the Lord has been speaking to my heart so loudly about His love, that I just want to share it with you.

As some of you may know, a little over a month ago I was diagnosed with PPD or Postpartum "funk" (as I like to call it). Although I thought I could easily brush this under the rug and pretend it wasn't there, it turned out you just can't {or at least, I couldn't}. So, I tried doing natural things to help the situation, but after a few days, my efforts faded away, together with my natural strength. 

I started feeling its effects full force again.

That's when I started wondering: what should I do, and why, and all those questions you ask yourself when you're in the middle of a dark tunnel, you know?

For the past couple days this verse has been pounding in my head:

For I am CONVINCED that neither

death nor life

angels nor demons

present nor future

... nor any powers...

neither height nor depth

nor ANYTHING ELSE IN ALL CREATION

will be able to separate us from the LOVE OF GOD 

that is in Christ Jesus OUR LORD

I thought going through this made me weak and unworthy...

I thought I disappointed Him...

But there's NOTHING... nothing we go through, nothing we feel, nothing we experience, NOTHING can deprive me from 

HIS

UNFAILING

ETERNAL

POWERFUL

FURIOUS
VIOLENT

LOVE 

Nothing...

So all I can do now is just sit on His shoulders,

and watch... be a witness of the things He's going to do

and laugh

and rest

and fall more and more in love

with the Lover of my soul...

{this is one of my favorite songs. Enjoy!}

Have a beautiful Tuesday

xoxoxo

FRIENDSHIP

Today is Friend's Day in Argentina

So, in honor to it, I'd like to write some thoughts on friendship

This is what I LOVE about friends:

#1 You can be YOURSELF, and know you're still loved for who you are

#2 You can call them late at night, and they will talk to you till 3 am, even when they have to work the next day! (true story)

#3 They know when you're down even when you say: IMFINE IMFINE IMFINE

#4 You don't gross each other out... =)

#5 Their mere presence makes you smile

#6 You compete to see who has more facial hair! (true story as well)

#7 Even when you're away for years, when you see each other again, you can pick up right where you left it

#8 You want to do childish things again!

#9 You can trust them your deepest secrets, knowing that there's no judgement 

#10 They know exactly what your favorite coffee is and they have it ready when you go visit!

#11 You don't need to impress them

#12 You believe in them, and they believe in you

#13 Seeing them accomplish their dreams is the best thing that can happen to you


#14 They're willing to eat the food you make--even if they got sick as a dog for 3 days from your last cooking "adventure" 
(Yes, true story again)

#15 You can cry on their shoulder, and they don't care if you left some snot on it...

Discovering who your real friends are is not an easy thing. Many times, you open your heart and become vulnerable to hurt...

But boy, when your true friends come along in life...

They are a continuous breath of fresh air

They're the cherry on top of your Chick Fil-A chocolate milkshake...

=)

I love when the Bible says:

A friend is loving at all times, and becomes a brother in times of trouble.

and

"... there's a friend who sticks closer than a brother"

HAPPY FRIENDS DAY!!

FELIZ DIA DEL AMIGO!!

I'm beyond thankful for my friends!

P.S.

Join the fun, leave a comment with memory of a friend, comment to a friend, or anything friendly you'd like to leave :)

xoxoxo

Loneliness can't stand a chance

my mom in her very first visit to the States (Nov 2010)

It was kinda a rough weekend

It's specially on Sundays when it hits me

As many of you know, I'm from Argentina

All my family and friends are there

Most of my life's memories are there

Childhood friends, high school friends, church friends

Everything

One of my favorite memories is our family get togethers on Sundays

My brother would be in charge of grilling some awesome meat 

while the rest of us would be playing cards, laughing and being funny

We've been here in the States for almost three years

I thought at some point it would get easier

But I came to the realization that it doesn't

I miss my momma, my sister and brothers

I miss my 7 nephews and nieces

Uncles, aunts, cousins that have been my best friends 

That's when loneliness tries to hit hard

(It's always funny to see how you can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely)

But all it takes is to look up

To remember those words that are sweeter than honey

that whisper in our ear

" I'll never leave you, nor forsake you...

 And remember that I am always with you until the end of time."

Loneliness can't stand the power of those words

It cant stand the power of Love

All of a sudden I realize

that I've never been alone

Because Your Presence has never left me

Even when I let go

You never let go of me

So today I can, once again say

I'm AT HOME

I'm where I'm meant to be

because Home is wherever You are

and You're right here with me

That's when I look around again, and this time I can see

the amazing people that surround me

This is when the well from within starts flowing with living waters of 

joy, peace, love

and I can rest

and I can smile real big

and I can trust

I can laugh

I can be thankful

and I can sing

Here's the Lyrics of one of my favorite songs by Kristene Mueller "Trust"... Enjoy!

It's the sweetest thing
To trust you
Just to know
You got everything under control

It's the sweetest thing
To trust you
Just to know
You got everything

And You are making me a mountain
Making me a mountain
That cannot be shaken

Well You are making me a mountain
Making me a mountain
That cannot be moved

High up on a rock
Looking out at the horizon
Watching as the storm rolls in
Wondering if my heart will survive it

As the waves crash all around me
And can't remember what it feels like to be free

I know You're making me a mountain
Making me a mountain
That cannot be shaken

Oh You are making me a mountain
Making me a mountain
That cannot be moved

You say, I've got you my baby
I've got you
It's quite the mess you're in
But it's nothing Love can't fix

So sit here upon my shoulders
And watch as it all unwinds

Have  a lovely Monday, my friends!!! =D

xoxoxo

Postpartum funk: Contending for JOY

What's on my heart today?

JOY 

=D

I've been thinking a lot about this little word that entails so much.

Yesterday, I went to my doctor to find out I'm going through this postpartum "funk". Yeah, not so cool, but hey! This post is not to focus on the actual condition, but to bring some truth to light about the one experiencing the "funk," and a few tips to go along with it . 

First of all, I want to say that, YES, I felt defeated. I never thought it would happen to me. I felt weak, both physically and emotionally. I felt like I wasn't good enough as a wife and a mom. I had crying spells and I felt I was the only one. But the truth is that all those things I felt before are LIES.

When you feel that way, always remember that's NOT WHO YOU ARE. That's just the "funk" whispering in your ears. DO NOT BUY THOSE LIES! Remember who you really are, remember how much you love those around you, remember how you love to smile, how you love to live and love!

You were created to rejoice...

You have MANY reasons to rejoice. just look around...

This is not what God created you for. Just like you didn't give birth to a child with the hopes of him being unable to be happy and to receive love... You were created to be LOVED, and to ENJOY of this love poured over you.

So, yes, I had to decide whether to take pills for this or not... and I'm just going to wait a little longer. I'm trying to go all natural here and see if there are things I can do to help the situation. There are some practical things I started doing today:

-Take vitamin C. Orange Juice, tangerines, etc. Yum!

- Take vitamin D. This stuff does it all, including fighting against fatigue--very important!

  

-Exercising: This is tough when you have little ones. Just to find time during the day to do it is a hassle. I haven't decided how to approach this one yet, but maybe going for a walk every day, or if you have the chance of going to the gym, etc. It helps a lot!!

-Spend some time under the sun, just relaxing and taking in even more vitamin D!

- Avoid using Aspertame or Nutrasweet ( thanks for the tip, Janet! =D)

- Talk it out. Don't be ashamed of how you feel. This is not your fault.Find friends that love you and are willing to carry you through this. I had friends that stayed up till 11pm last night talking to me on skype, praying for me, seeing me cry and making me laugh! Don't be afraid to be real about this, because this is not your fault. Is not a flaw in you.

- Allow yourself to be LOVED. Sometimes, we try to be the strong woman who wants to help others, but we're not willing to let our guard down and receive. This is  a good learning experience. Open up to those around you and RECEIVE all the love and the help they offer. Remember, you were created to be LOVED.

So, I've decided to wait a couple weeks to see how I'm doing, and if things don't get better (which I believe they will), I'll go back to my doc.

If you're out there and you're going through this, please don't feel alone. Send me an email at hellolecloud@gmail.com I want to know how you feel, I want to pray for you, I want to help you out in any way possible. I will also be posting more tips on how to walk through this season as I learn more about it.

"You will make known to me the path of life;  

In Your presence is fullness of joy; 

 In Your right hand there are pleasures forever."

... thank you, Jesus, because Your Joy is my strength!

ps: If you've experienced the postpartum funk, please leave a comment with some words of encouragement for those  currently going through it. Let's help each other out! =D

xoxoxo