After almost 2 months of being missing in action, I’m finally back. For a moment, it felt like I wouldn’t be. I was ready to just give it up and not look back. You see, there are seasons in life in which you need to simply put a halt on everything and rethink… reconsider… reestablish priorities… rest… and restart…
I’ve been through that season recently. A series of circumstances (health, family, emotions, etc) brought me to the point of needing time to stop doing, stop running, stop filling my time with activities and dreaming of adding even more to my schedule…. It was time to stop and think… to look at the condition of my heart… to bring my burdens to the feet of Christ and enter into rest… I was able to question my motivations, reestablish my priorities, rest in my identity and let the Lord renew my strength.
It is time to go deeper.
I can’t even explain how much this time meant to me. I had no idea how much “stuff” was lingering in my heart until I allowed the Lord to have my time and to do what He wanted with it.
Lesson learned: Always give room to the Lord. Make time for Him, even if it’s plain ol’ silence.
I never knew fear had such a hold on me. I never knew how hard I was trying to have a “happy” family. I never knew how much control I was trying to have over my circumstances and emotions. I never knew how tall the walls around my heart were.
You never know until you know… But once you know, it’s time to let go.
Once I was stripped from all the things I was clinging onto and depending on for my joy, I found out that I just can’t hold on to any earthly thing. I realized my identity is not in anything this world can offer. It’s not in a blog. It’s not in my looks or my success. I can’t find my identity in my abilities or in my “labels” (wife, mom, homemaker, etc).
But when I look up and take my time to look in His eyes, I realize who I am. I am His daughter. I am loved extravagantly and fiercely. I don’t have to try so hard, because I’m not loved for what I do, but merely for who I am. All the things I do, I do them because I get to, not because I have to. I don’t have to be strong, I don’t have to have it all figured out, I don’t have to be the perfect wife, mom and friend. That will never happen. I’ve been invited to walk this journey just holding on to His hand. And I really do want to live like that. Realizing that there’s no better place to be than by His side. As I recently heard, “ the valley of the shadow of death and the middle of a raging storm are the safest places to be when Jesus is there with you, holding your hand, walking by your side”.
I’m just learning this… Just getting started… But I’m so thrilled to see what is ahead. I can finally rest and enjoy with real joy in my heart.
Thank you so much for your love during this season, and I can’t wait to “hang out” with y’all, my bloggie friends!!!!!!
Let’s do this! =)